So, if my vacuum cleaner is made half as powerful, will I have to work twice as hard or as long to clean the place? Those with domestic staff have decreed that I, and you, are soon to find out. Replete with their own cleaning staff, the answer to this issue may take rather longer to filter through to those 'serving' in the EU Parliament. Soon to follow, a vote on whether to increase 'our' EU representative's staffing budgets?
And, what do we speculate, might be the motif? Global warming, a genuine bid to save The Planet from its own most acquisitive species? More likely, James Dyson has upset someone higher up the tree, and a point is being made; we're all just collateral damage! "See that line, James? Well, don't step over it again!"
The announcement of an imminent 1600 watt limit has certainly helped to boost the old vacuum cleaner sales, cynics please note.
Kettles are also scheduled to follow suite. Use a hob, for Heaven's sake! Most electric kettles, that I've possessed, seemed to generate more noise than a shuttle launch.
On the positive side though, turns out the economy wasn't doing quite so badly after all. Didn't need to force all of those 'spare room' claimants on to the streets as it turned out! Didn't need to cap the wages of of all those Public Sector workers (excepting 'hard-working' MPs), privatise that once great NHS. Oops! Never mind, eh? A bit more collateral damage?
A quick, back-of-a-fag-packet-calculation has shown that, if we factor in monies from illegal drugs, prostitution, and the black market economy in hand guns and other weaponry, that the economy was far more black than it was red. What, 'black,' charred like the soul-voided hearts of Messrs Cameron, Osborne et al?
All of that illegal war weaponry has helped no end! Perhaps, then, you shall be able to write your own glowing legacy, Uncle Tony. Money and beatification!
And finally, also in the peripheral news, the CBI is not altogether thrilled with the public's perceptions of the role of big business, particularly the roles and consequent remunerations of its CEOs. So, what to do? Conundrum!
They've opted to attempt to 're-educate' us. Apparently we're the ones who've got it all wrong; the values of Digby Jones live on! Expensively speaking at a venue, near to the heart of Europe, so I'm led to believe. More wool over the eyes, seems to be the order of the day, let's realign those jaded public perceptions, shall we?
Well, must rush. There's another vacuum to sort out here. I'm off to investigate a series of local break-ins. Detention centre sorted, curiously over-developed chap at the gym was more than happy to help out, with the loan of his cellar. Strange views on the master race an' all that but Dazza was sure he'd be fine. I've earmarked some dodgy locals for interog... questioning. Dazza assures me that he'll be able to persuade them to co-operate. I already know who I fancy for the crimes; strange chap, keeps himself to himself, bit of a scruff, eyes too close together. I can feel it in me water! It's pretty much a done deal!
Well, we have to operate in a bit of a vacuum these days. Police- private hire- available for royal pageant and public oppression only, in the modern day UK.
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