'Klerranty'

Or conceivably a 'Wagg'... or some other such compounded word. Given what the construct might actually represent it really hardly matters anyway.

I would imagine that you, rather like myself, have at some time or other encountered the tiresome 'Warranty' issue; that of seeking some form of redress, via a guarantee-type 'contract' of absolutely no worth whatsoever! Recall, if you will the proffered words. They just kept on spewing out, didn't they?

"Yes sir, the longhold-bumplever is covered, as are the spongal-coverts and the spigot-fastenings. Unfortunately (insert widening grin) the minute neoprene grommet that connects the bumplever to the spongal-covert isn't covered by the warranty, as is 'clearly' stated in the circular-minutiae clause on page thirteen...
... and as parts can only be acquired as a readily-assembled unit from our factory, and not as individual constituent parts, the unit isn't actually covered by our warranty."

"Will sir be wanting to replace the faulty unit? We can book your (insert appliance) in for now, if that would be to your 'satisfaction.' The cost? That'll be £450 with labour, plus VAT at 20%. Shall I go ahead and book you in, sir?"

"We are legally bound to take possession of all otherwise fully functional constituent parts, for safe disposal, in line with our 'Greener Future' commitment to the environment."

'Warranty:' an entirely worthless guarantee. Another compound word!

You'll perhaps recall the 'Warranty-type' 'safeguarding' of customers' 'rights,' in relation to recently purchased 'gift' tokens, shortly after HMV's slide into receivership in 2013. Shareholders who had acquired shares, that were theoretically subject to all of the here listed (liquidity risk, inflationary risk, equity risk, credit risk, volatility risk, market risk, concentration risk, counterparty risk, along with numerous, supposedly less-serious, risks) were curiously deemed more deserving, having gambled their excess monies in the City, than ordinary people who had simply purchased presents for friends and families.


Many thanks to Chris de Rham

To clarify, this meant that the risk-taking shareholders, who were supposed to be aware that, "Shares might also go down in value," were given priority over people who thought that they had simply just purchased an HMV product. A 'Warranty' by any other name!

Deloitte (HMV receivership company) did eventually relent and 'honour' the shoppers' transactions- is 'honour' really the right word in this context?- but only after factoring in the potential costs of an angry public backlash.

So, I'm going to stick the ol' neck out here and assume that Nick Clegg's latest pre-election words will also be falling very much into the 'Warranty,' rather than the 'Guarantee' camp. "Free school meals in primary schools," "Cut price travel for young workers," "Extended paternity leave and free childcare," "A mansion tax," and the electoral king-pin, "A properly funded NHS!"

Ticking all the right boxes! The voters- those with any integrity- will be flocking to the polling stations! At least those with any integrity, yet operating without a fully functioning memory, also without access to someone who remembers what a toadying bunch of opportunists the Lib-Dems turned out to be and whispers a few words in the ol' shell-likes.


Thank you, Jonathan Adami

And, let's not forget that, "A (pseudo) properly funded NHS," is what the soulless Tories continue to pretend to offer. And we all know that this is certainly not happening. Wait and see how the current  'Ebola epidemic' might yet also be exploited in the NHS funding row! Or trust in JC, I don't think so!

So, 'Warranties!' Much closer to home, in the fine city of Norwich, we may have found another example. I'd only just read that the Grapes Hill roundabout is to be once again condemned to the Hell of traffic lights. Yes, after weeks of 'inconveniently' almost free-flowing traffic, we are once again to be 'blessed' with the eternal snarl-up that Grapes Hill had previously become. No more gentle trundles up the hill, instead a forced return to that series of short-stay parking slots and interspersed hill-start practice 'opportunities.' Norwich City Council @ someone's service, but it certainly ain't our's!

The Eastern Daily Press's article on the issue was addended by literally dozens upon dozens of dissatisfied motorists' comments, those who had recently experienced the vast improvements that a lightless roundabout had brought to this section of the city (traffic).


Thanks again, Chris de Rham

Having travelled along this precise route on Saturday (11th October) I was witness to what I can only imagine was Norwich City Council's response to the EDP et al backlash. Perhaps, me thinks, the Council are hoping to pull the wool over our eyes here. I am a self-confessed cynic, I could be wrong, but I think not!

The roundabout in question, and seemingly every conceivably approaching road, had been mysteriously glued up, taped over and generally fouled up, with a massive surfeit of bollards, plastic barriers and strewn high visibility tape. Curiously, none of the aforementioned appeared to be serving any purpose, unless that purpose was to cause all approaching traffic to flow like so much refrigerated treacle.

And then it dawned! As it has no doubt dawned to numerous others, that this 'was' perhaps entirely its purpose. Yes, in order to disguise Norfolk City Council's 'Warranty' of little worth, the Grapes Hill roundabout, I am prepared to contest, has been condemned to a period of downwardly-adjusted direness, purely in order to mislead the driving public regarding the (less) dire effect of those infernal lights!

A 'Norantee' maybe! Entirely safeguarding someone else, who is most definitely not you!