HMRC

Some thirty months past, enjoying somewhat better health, we were hunkering down in preparation for another Christmas. We had hoped to avoid the worst of the season's ravages and were anticipating spending valued time with family. 'T was, I believe the 23rd of December, late enough into the year that the TV channels had been all but choked up with a surfeit of advertising and vacuous self-serving  non-celebrity 'entertainment.' Pass the whisky, please do!

Another load of seasonal recycling dropped through the letter box. Almost hidden, meekly insignificant within the binable load, were two letters that hinted at rather more. "HMRC, unlikely to be a circular of well-wishing intent," I had thought. And indeed not!

Just so, mSeattle

It transpired that Minitrue had spotted a small mistake that I had 'made' within its own labyrithian system. Further clarification had been deemed superfluous to the singular goal of speedy rectification. Along with a several million other lesser citizens my funds would be needed to dam the looming celestial Barlow Cluster- already classified as supermassive. "The reason for underpayment wrong tax code operated," the shorter of the two texts 'conceded.' A tax demand, no less! Two!

Errors within omniscient beings being what they are I was to be deemed responsible and, had one young uninitiated man not blurted, "Sounds like a case of ESCA 19," I am confident that the error could swiftly and seamlessly have been dealt with. For clarification, ESCA 19 is an extra-statutory concession whereby an error deemed to have been caused entirely by HMRC could be written off.

I had been with the same employer for three decades, tax cock-ups were generally not an issue. I'd like to personally thank the young HMRC 'miscreant' who raised the issue of ESCA 19, but our telephone conversation was brief and his name is lost to the ravages of time. With joy in my heart I eagerly clarified things for the mighty HMRC. My appeal was swiftly in the post. "Honesty is the best policy," I thought.

Sadly, a thought not consistent within Minitrue. Inside of two months- very 'efficient'- HMRC had undertaken a 'full and thorough review' of the situation and 'fairly' dealt with the issue. I quote:
"We have considered your case under Extra Concession (ESC) A19 which allows us not to collect tax in certain cases. Full details of ESC A19 are on the leaflet included with this letter and on our website at hmrc.gov.uk/esc/esc.htm. We are sorry, but ESC A19 does not apply in your case and the tax is still due." 

Many thanks to Gaellery

Apparently, having ensured that all the correct information had been forwarded to HMRC (my role) I had not then spotted that HMRC had used these codes incorrectly (also my role), thus it was to be deemed my fault and liability (also my role). It was 'reassuringly warming' to know that I had been dealt with "fairly" and "impartially."Had I been living in one of those tin pot dictatorships Lord alone knows what little chance I'd have had," I mused, in an almost celebratory fashion.

Thanking my lucky stars that I lived in an accountable democracy, I swiftly sought to acquire all of the so-far-absent relevant information regarding who should have been deemed culpable. Many replies and several letters were, sometimes painfully, extracted from various sources, thankfully all contacts concurred with my thoughts upon the issue. So without further ado my findings were, once more, in the post, a second appeal duly launched.

Almost unnervingly on the ball, HMRC were able to, this time, conduct a 'fair and impartial review' of my case and have their polite response- still warm- nestling in my hands within a few weeks. Although the reply could certainly not possibly have been of standard subterfuge variety, it was remarkable how similar it appeared to its predecessor. I again quote:
"We have reviewed your case again but we still have the same opinion that ESC A19 does not apply in your case and the tax is still due."

The 'impartial' reviewer went on to clarify that, "This is because we still have no record of any information sent by you or a third party which we failed to act on."

"Curious," I distinctly recall thinking, "how it is that stapled information might so manage to separate and then obliterate itself, within the 'trusted' Minitrue edifice.

Perfect, from fusion-of-horizons

Much as it was going to impinge upon my time and resources, I was going to have to delve. "Perhaps a point by point letter might assist?" I considered. One of which was duly composed, followed by a second, more concise letter the next month. I was hoping that somewhere within the mighty HMRC my letter might chance upon an intact soul.

I had discovered that the root of the problem appeared to be one huge IT blunder on the part of HMRC. That is to write that a multi-million pound IT system, designed to enable all records to be 'efficiently' and 'helpfully stored' in one place, had recently been 'implemented.' This and the resultant 'efficiency savings'- to clarify, this means staffing cuts- had all the while remained unspoken.

My calls to HMRC, both numerous and lengthy, might haunt me for a while yet to come. Upon being asked if there was anything else one HMRC employee might help me with, I was initially almost dumbstruck, as said individual had not actually helped me with anything at all. I opted for, "Might there be a more objective colleague close at hand?" Judgemental, but fairly so I considered. A second HMRC employee 'assured' me that the tax coding system was, "easy to understand!" It seemed jolly remiss of me not to have mentioned the approximately fifteen million individuals who had also failed to yet grasp this "easy to understand" system.

Although it seemed that over one hundred of HMRC's top officers had managed to master the tax-coding system, and used the same to 'wonderful' personal effect; perhaps another reason that my funds were being so keenly sought. At this stage I was strong-armed into 'agreeing' a monthly repayment plan. Undiscussed and more covertly undertaken, my tax codes were also altered. As is the way with unilateral powers, they are so easy to abuse.

On the 12th of February 2013, a mere fourteen months into this fiasco, I launched my third appeal- one is actually entitled to four reviews- with another four-pager. Then I waited!

A prompt(ish) reply merely acknowledged receipt and urged me to be patient, which I was. I have found that there are usually two sides to dealing with political officialdom. There is invariably the unshakable and underlying sense that one is entirely right in one's perception of having been treated less than fairly, but this is all-too-often heavily countered by an equally strong belief that such will generally prevail. Ultimately, the chink is always there, it's just down to luck whether one is fortunate enough to encounter someone within one of these organisations who may still be blessed of both a soul and that of a suitably elevated ranking to be able to do anything about it.

On the 10th of July 2013 just such a juxstapositioning of these two eventualities first became evident. The letter that I received from The Adjudicator's Office was even more verbose than my own appeal, at a full  nine sides of A4. I read the reply with a growing sense that Minitrue might just have been rumbled.

At this stage the adjudicator had not yet started his investigation, so logic would suggest that nothing much could have changed. The only significant change in circumstance was that this internal review had been instructed by an external adjudicator. Yet HMRC's position had mysteriously shifted somewhat. Curious how two 'honest' appraisals might be contradicted by a third. What could possibly have caused such a disparity?

Mmmm! Thanks to John Perivolaris









HMRC's response had rather telegraphed the crumbling of it's fortress of deceit. I learned far more from this single letter than I had from all previous correspondences. Up until this point there had been much use of the word "reasonable," it's flexible capacity for subterfuge and consequent misuse. In this letter I learned that:

"we (HMRC) should have reviewed our coding for the coming year. We did not and it is unclear from our records why no action was taken."

"It is not until 8th February 2012 that we (HMRC) finally got to grips with (the complainant's) coding"

"Clearly this was an incorrect reason to refuse ESC A19."

"They are inadequate replies and all contain various errors concerning the events leading to the operation of incorrect (tax) codes."

"... we have established that the tax arrears result from our (HMRC's) failure to make proper and timely use of the information received."

The chink that I had been hoping to find was beginning to open. HMRC were now fighting a rearguard action but, ever 'truthful' to the goals of Minitrue, they were hoping- I suspect no longer expecting- to dam the breach.

"However, our original decision to refuse ESC A19 for later years was correct."

"Later year's arrears can not be given up under ESC A19 and the amounts due for 2010-11 and 2011-12 are still outstanding."

Indeed "outstanding" is what the tenacity of deceit had now become, outstandingly disingenuous. "But at the length," I considered the, "truth will out." I shared my thoughts with the adjudicator and prepared to wait on.

The chink was finally fully opened after precisely two years, two months and twenty-seven days. In brief, HMRC had been deemed wholly at fault; thus the issue was settled fully and entirely in my favour. As part of the settlement HMRC were required also to submit, in writing, an apology. 'T was etched in blood and spanned one side of heavily-stamped-upon A4, concluding with the following:

"I am sorry we have not handled your tax affairs as well as we should have done and the standard of service you have received is below that which we normally strive to achieve. I do hope that your dealings with us run more smoothly in the future."

Where to start with this as an example of honest communication?

First They Came...

Indeed they did, as so eloquently put by Martin Niemoller, in his essentially self-critical poem. Martin was expressing his regret at not having done more to oppose the Nazi rise to threatened global dominion.

We might, from our positions of learned hindsight, nod sagely at his belated enlightenment. Or we might accept the fact that the vast majority of those who were brave enough to speak out, against the likes of Hitler, generally didn't get to say a great deal beyond that point.

Special thanks to Eddie

Although not (yet) quite on the same levels of oppression, I feel it is interesting/alarming to chart the degree by which national decisions in the UK have incrementally bulldozed to the right; that is to write that what was considered sacrosanct perhaps five years ago is now fair game for assimilation, or has already been laid to waste. Consider also that this sliding value system has been in operation since 4th May 1979, without ever having been effectively halted.

So I offer, in the light of recent moves by the Home Secretary, one Theresa May...

First they came for the Print Workers
And I did not speak out
Because I was not a Print worker.
Then they came for the Miners and the Unions
And I did not speak out because I was not a Miner or a Trade Unionist.
Then they came for the Students, the Public Sector and the Demonstrators
And I did not speak out
Because I was not a Student, a Public Sector Worker* or a Demonstrator.
Then they came for the Unemployed, the Disabled and the Whistle Blowers
And I did not speak out
Because I was not Unemployed, Disabled or a Whistle Blower.
Then they came for me
And there was no one left
To speak out for me.

Many thanks to Gavin Reynolds

No Officer, but you quite possibly earned one heck of a lot of overtime, crushing the aforementioned. Not entirely unlike voting in a General Election, one is given to consider the dispute entirely from the perspective of 'who to despise most, Theresa or her out-of-favour Mercenaries

* Far more mercenaries for hire than public sector, really, but cheap! Available for public pageant, VIP protection and democratic suppression, charged entirely to the tax payer.

The Recessive George

Written on 24th May.

So- eat your words, you filthy sceptics- George (Osborne) has done exactly as he promised, and saved 'our glorious' country. Britain is once more truly mended, spiritually at one with herself. He's pulled us back from the very brink, has 'our benevolent' George. The 'feel good' factor, as reported by 'our free' press, is again being roundly felt by the, "people on the street," as reflected, once more, in their respective pay packets. "Back on the road to prosperity!" All praise St. George and the holy forces of all that is 'honourable!'

The figures, as 'gathered' and then further manipulated by 'our democratic servants,' before being selectively relayed to the wider populace via 'our representative' media, would appear (albeit barely) to concur. Shall we delve?

Special thanks to stephen bowler

Those working in the private sector (the side of the angels *), and in receipt of bonuses (surely archangels) have recently witnessed their take-home pay creeping above the latest inflation figures. This news, as reported by the BBC and the (ostensibly tabloid) papers, much in the ilk of The Daily Mail, hopes perhaps to contrive to loosen our purse strings, and to soon see the British economy once again booming... a mere prelude to ka-booming! Throw in the reported 'drop' in 'recorded' unemployment, especially that of youth unemployment, and the faintest of smiles might perhaps deign to slither on to the side of one's doubting face. Chuck in the 9% rise in the housing market (average cost of a home) and surely the faintest of chuckles might even deign to resurface.

So, let's reflect upon this news, shall we? Reflect perhaps, from the perspective of the targeted 'demons,' that of those beavering away in the NHS (for example). One could ask the valid question, "Whether these individuals might be in agreement, that the worst of the recession- was there ever another state of affairs- is finally behind us?" Those labouring under the umbrella of 'care' of JC (Jeremy Hunt), the same media outlets are reporting, have been duly informed that the 'fragile' economy dare not risk affording them anything other than an effective further pay cut (1%). So, at the very best, then, some of the British electorate might be in 'recovery.' And several of these sections of 'society' have been  effectively granted immunity from the recession anyway. So what's actually changed? 

And to karen H. nickname.{ pooh}

It really is something of a mystery, do you not think, how it is that 'our democratic servants' might so frequently contrive to blame those of the public sector for quite all of the country's financial woes, and an altogether far larger mystery to understand why it is that the general media are so rabidly willing to play along. We could almost go a hunting for some sort of conspiracy, couldn't we? Perhaps the sort of conspiracy whereby we might find a government effectively prolonging the recession, or using the same as some sort of screen, behind which to terminally undermine the long hated enemy; that would be anything public sector, anything at all that is public sector, and additionally to hyper-extend that 'most to least well-off' ratio. The globe's sixth most wealthy nation and the world's fourth most unequal society do not sit comfortably together.

The public purse strings must be kept tight, we are forever being reminded. Except perhaps for during 'our MPs' pigs-at-a-trough means of determining their own pay- 11%, wasn't it?- and their continuing access to those bizarrely questionable huge expenses. Bye, incidentally, all too briefly, to Maria Miller, the current sacrificial lamb... or is it goat? But she'll be back, snout at the ready!

One might go so far as to speculate that those of the electorate hoping to squeak on to the housing market- also curiously tweaked, via Help to 'Buy'- might be less than delighted to watch those long-sought homes once again spiralling away from them, and into the hands of the Tory-revered investment purchaser. Yet more for the non-specified "man (person) on the street" to celebrate? 

Thanks also, to Anna Armstrong

And notice, please do, also those unemployment figures. Youth unemployment (Office for National Statistics) has 'decreased,' as has the number (also ONS) of people claiming Job Seekers' Allowance. Yes, as 'your' government tinkers around the edges, to ensure a 'more competetive' market, via the county's pool of those available for gainful employment, handy for British companies hiring at rates on or around the minimum wage, life is again taking on a far more rosy hue. A tad more tinkering and, raise your glasses, official unemployment figures have finally started to 'tumble.' 

Call me, "an old fart," but I think I'd be inclined to include, on the official unemployment register, all of those individuals not being paid a proper living wage. "Debatable," those in receipt of vast inherited fortunes might contest. But at least we'd know where we really stood, instead of having to forever dig for a more accurate reflection of the nation's employment status. All of those in voluntary roles, those labouring in internships, perhaps those who have failed to register, and those 'employed' on zero hours contracts, any guesses as to what the current homeless totals really are?; where precisely do all of these people fit into the national picture? 

It is undoubtedly the case that huge numbers of properties are once again being snapped up by investment buyers. Unquestionably, those at the top of the wealth ladder have climbed yet further out of sight of the least 'rewarded.' Without doubt the public sector is fast shrinking at the behest of the private; much of this sector has already been subcontracted out to the likes of those demonic PFIs and is no longer really 'public' anyway. Huge swathes of the public sector are dangerously undergoing constant pernicious change at the behest of grasping private interests, to the point now where disingenuous misrepresentation might venture to claim that the country needs to effectively privatise 'our NHS' (£10 monthly NHS access charge, as suggested by Lord Warner). Universal health care and education are under siege, like never before in most of our lifetimes; cite almost any initiative by The Gove or the satanic JC.

Many thanks to Adam Baker



So, on reflection, "UK emerges from double-dip recession," really doesn't seem to be referencing the real world. Even so Howard Archer (IHS Global Insight) certainly doesn't want the pillaging to stop just yet-a-while. "Fiscal austerity, tight credit conditions, muted global economic activity and still serious problems in the Eurozone are all likely to hamper growth," he hopes to remind the targeted working classes. 

So, are we all feeling good about the economic recovery?

* Much in the vein of any 'divide and rule' scenario, those working in the private sector, away from government-revered upper echelons, may only ever be singled out for praise where the public sector is to be derided. 

The Infernal Recovery

Written on 21st May 2014.

"On the wicked he will rain fiery coals and sulfur; a scorching wind will be their lot."

"At one point midway on our path in life, I came around and found myself now searching through a dark wood, the right way blurred and lost. How hard it is to say what that wood was, a wilderness, savage, brute, harsh and wild. Only to think of it renews my fear!"

It's 16:00. I'm sitting in Roy's (of Wroxham) Cafe, wondering when the stooped older-gentleman at the counter might finally complete his tortuous order, so that I can avail myself of a second latte. For the last hour I've alternated between dipping into, 'Hard Times,'- much in keeping with one's recent moods- or else scribbling demented notes into the iPad. The regular announcements regarding, "spectac-lear bargains," in the shoe department, have ceased to amuse me. Eye on the clock, there's a reasonable chance the father-in-law will be out of the house from around 16:30- I'll give it 'till 17:00, just to be certain!

On the surface the signs are probably along the lines of, "Do not approach!" Not entirely an accurate reflection of my state of mind, but the halo of empty seats surrounding my person suits my purposes, so let's not yet do anything to undermine these perceptions.

Many thanks to Dave McLear

In truth I'm almost singing inside- though not yet smiling, but the ice is slowly beginning to thaw- because a number of things seem set to change, hopefully entirely for the better. Three months and four days in to our unplanned-for-homelessness and finally a tiny chink of light has levered itself in between the storm clouds. The clouds, incidentally, are a cliched allegory for the deadening gloom that has accumulated about our persons, over the aforementioned three-and-a-bit months. To boot, our sleepy solicitor has today e-mailed that there are completion documents to be signed.

When we found ourselves suddenly and unexpectedly in need of a floor upon which to spend a 'couple of weeks' neither of us could have anticipated the precise hue or the intensity of the greyness that was about to ensue. As an occasional artist I remain at a loss as to what such a hue might be termed, certainly drawing more from the depths of a bleeding soul than that of the master's pallet. 

So... 't was upon the 3rd February, in the year of our Lord 2014, some three-and-a-bit months past, that we were readying ourselves for a move to a Harford House, in the fine city of Norwich. Non-specific administrative matters had dictated that we would need to rent what-was-to-become our apartment, for a short while, prior to the purchase of the same. 

"A nominal fee," the developer had said. "After all you'll be buying the place," the man had gone on to reason. He'd also smiled, "Call me Sid." With hindsight and some fuller reflection, the most significant thing said had almost been obscured beneath oh-so-much cheery-sales-pitch small talk; "I'm a business man," he'd also casually enlightened.

The home move was booked, the sale of our previous home legally committed to, nowhere else to go! Or so this man had obviously thought. The precise (and curiously elusive) terms of the rental agreement finally winged their way through the aether. Oops! My God, we'd been so naive. So very, very stupid! Wiggle room, at this juncture, had seemed a highly unlikely eventuality.

Many thanks also, to Jason Merrick

Dante's Fourth Circle of Hell (Greed).

The precise terms of the agreement- never actually spoken- pinged into the inbox. To clarify then, the "nominal fee" was as follows:

* £200 for the first week (services included)- hardly 'nominal' we mused.

* £400 for the second week. Continuing to double with each successive week.

* In addition to this we were expected to pay the cost of 'setting up' this dubious contract, £450 plus VAT, so another £540.

* And then there was the tiny matter of a non-refundable deposit of £2,000, just to ensure our goodwill and commitment to buy.

* So a 'highly nominal' £3,540 for the first four weeks. 

* And an additional £2,000, to ensure that Sid was not be found out of pocket, should we ever get to the point where our fast-depleting funds could no longer afford the planned move. 

* A special thanks must go out to Bruce Faulkner of Faulkner and Rogers Solicitors, for drawing up this 'nominal' agreement.

Dear ********

I have taken my clients further instructions re your client taking occupation and am instructed that they are prepared to allow your client to do so on the following basis:-

1. Your clients pay my costs of preparing the agreement - Which should be no more than £450 plus VAT.

2. Your clients pay a £2000 deposit repayable on completion but otherwise non-refundable.

3. Your clients pay a licence fee of £200 in the first week, doubling each week until completion or vacation if your clients do not proceed payable weekly in advance (to ensure completion as quickly as possible).

4. Water charges included in licence fee.

5. Electricity and gas included until the meter to 6 Harford House is installed and connected.

I should be able to prepare the document for completion tomorrow and look forward to hearing from you once you are able to take instructions.

With best wishes

Bruce ********

Director

Unanticipated, we wiggled. The in-laws had a camper van. I dutifully phoned Sid to convey our reluctance to accept his 'nominal' offer. "A means to ensure that the solicitors did not drag their feet," Sid was anxious to 'clarify.' "To ensure that 'both' parties are fully protected," he enlightened. I duly ran through the maths for him. The man even had the presence of mind to pretend surprise at the voluminous four week total. 

The business man on the back foot- not a pleasant spectacle- was witnessed to instantly retract, clearly desperate not to lose sight of our money. A hastily rehashed deal of £200 a week, "with all services thrown in"- Hell, the man hadn't even yet organised the separate metering of the apartment- was politely declined. And I honestly was polite! The phone call was thus terminated. Time for the business man to sweat, I'd considered. Even supposedly desperate not to lose his buyers, the evident greed had shone through; 'nominal,' even at this late juncture, continued to mean entirely different things to different parties.

The following day, or possibly the one after that, I sat down and attempted to convey a disappointment that had, in reality, already morphed into blessed relief. My e-mail, though extensive, omitted to state the obvious, that we would be pulling out of the deal. We had reasoned that such a leopard would be unlikely to be changing its spots.

Business-like to the death, the wife of Sid- one 'delightful' trouser-wearing Linda- took time out of her busy day to convey the couple's disappointment, feigned dismay, that such a 'reasonable' deal should have caused us "undue concern." The 'benign' Linda e-mailed that this was not a "hard-nosed business man's deal." 

Upon reading this response correspondence was terminated; it seemed the best of all the available options. Abuse at least had been circumnavigated.

Hello ******,

Unfortunately Sid is tied-up most of the today but he has asked me to reply to your email, as you can imagine we are both very disappointed to read your comments.

We are not developers, or seasoned builders, we are just a family trying to complete a project that we believe will provide 6 desirable apartments, for 6 happy purchasers.

The rental licence was drawn-up primarily to ensure the solicitors did not drag their feet regarding the completion of the sale, not to cause you or ***** any undue stress. We accept the licence terms may not have been ideal but under the circumstances, and at such short notice, we felt,  at the time it was an acceptable solution to a short term problem, and if I may say so, not a solution any hard nosed developer would have offered you.

With regards to the possibility that we might be trying to dissuade you from buying No 6... Nothing is farther from the truth, we have done all that you have asked, fitted fans in the bathrooms, extra sockets in the bedroom, lights in the lounge, installing the washing machine and tumble dryer of your choice, and Sky TV was installed today. What gain would there be for us?

We have not accepted any other offers on flat 6, we have not put the property back on the market, as far as we are concerned you have always been the only buyers. If you are prepared to reconsider,  we can discuss alternative licence terms, or forget the licence all together.

We all make mistakes and it seems such a shame that you will be missing out on the apartment you want and we will have to start the search for a new buyer again. Probably not something either of us really want.

If we can be of any further assistance please let us know.

Kind regards

Linda *******

One week later we learned that Sid had thus far omitted to obtain Building Regulations Approval, nor had he sought to obtain a Building Regulations Approval Certificate. What, no desire to hasten the exchange date? One was led to wonder when the gentlemen of Messrs Faulkner and Rogers, or perhaps Sid himself, might ever have brought this omission to anyone's attention. Currently (21st May) said property remains unsold, despite the misdirected 'Premium Property' sticker, as tacked on by Rightmove. Maybe an absence of relevant documentation continues to play its part, hopefully a far more astute home-buyers' approach is being observed by other home-seekers.

Agents AbbotFox, also reluctant to let the business slip through their talons, were quick to assure us that Sid was,"a lovely man." My God, he smiled often, and AbbotFox had dealt with him on several previous occasions. We had just obviously, "misunderstood," this, "charming character," they were quick to insist. "No, we don't wish to see the e-mailed contract," the team clarified. Thus the evidence of fossils was conveniently re-buried. "Any chance that the deal could be reignited?" AbbotFox pleaded. We thought perhaps not. Meanwhile, in the background, other gushing misrepresentations and falsehoods continued to blossom forth with apparent gay abandon. 

Lest the reader should think AbbottFox unworthy- which, of course they are- I can assure him/her that similar dishonesty/evasiveness was heard to abound in the vast majority of other Estate Agents' offices visited. The 'economic recovery' unfortunately tends to fuel such, to propagate especially the morally-bankrupt types in this field, cite the current practises of vast numbers of current leasing agencies. We could really do with a modern day Charles Dickens, who might perfectly capture the Victorian political climate in which we currently find ourselves.

Dante's Eighth Circle of Hell (Fraud).

Within a couple of weeks we had 'secured' a far more suitable property. Alas, en route, the almost criminally-inclined actions of the replacement Estate Agent (Abbotts) had caused us to effectively rebid for the same property three times. Special thanks, this time, must go out to one Richard, humorously described as a, 'Sales Negotiator.' Perhaps something approximating to the opposite of a 'Hostage Negotiator.' Where was Jesus, to upset those business stalls in the temple, born-again Christians might have been thinking. Richard 'assurred' us that indeed this had absolutely not been the case, with slippery words like, "I don't know what you heard, but..." We'd heard what you actually said, Richard, because we were listening. Obviously Sales Negotiator means something far less savoury than it really should, in these 'heady' times of 'resplendent' 'economic recovery.'

One other storm-battered home-seeking couple that we encountered, upon the very day of their hoped for exchange, discovered that their exchange papers had been amended with a revised contract for an additional ten grand. History does not recall whether the aforementioned Sales Negotiator was involved in this aborted transaction. The dawning 'economic recovery' rolled on, sweeping aside the minor and far less important deities of 'Honesty' and 'Integrity.'

Dante's Tenth Circle of Hell (Bureaucracy).

We dared to think that we were almost there; the misguided hopes of the single-home buyers had again been sorely misplaced. Ranged still before us were the fortified hurdles of solicitors and the leasehold contract company, The Residential Management Group. Between the two sets of solicitors and RGM the quest for an 'agreed' exchange date conspired to tack a further two and a half months onto the unwieldy process of acquiring our new home. Even in the death throes of these proceedings Capron and Helliwell were contriving to keep us entirely in the dark, as yet another snail post communication was leisurely batted back and forth between the (mis)appointed sets of solicitors. By this time one 'rogue' concerned individual at RGM had finally broken ranks and expressed his, "absolute dismay," at the woeful ineptness of his own employer. Alas, the mighty dinosaur had accidentally trampled upon another client, in its urgency to feast further at the troughs of 'economic recovery,' 

And, finally, thanks to Nomadic Lass

* Added on Wednesday 21st May.

It will take a while for us to begin to fully appreciate the benefits of again having our own place. I still awake, expecting to hear the father-in-law a huffing along an adjacent corridor. Or expecting to hear his pompous tones echoing, unchallenged, throughout the house.

In search of some form of sanctuary, I'd walked getting on for 400 miles, worn out and parted company with one pair of walking boots, and cycled closing in on a thousand. Best not to ponder too hard on the amount of money spent on coffee...

With hindsight, I'd like to think that I could dutifully advise others to avoid the estate agents of Abbotts or AbbotFox, that I might suggest a suitably more focused or reliable firm of Solicitors than that of Capron and Helliwell or Abbots Countrywide. If only 't were the case. In mock defence of RGM, they did, in time for the bill, contrive to insert their own inflated charges of £250, for doing bugger all (and not very well). The weight of limpets had the docked ship listing severely towards port (conceivably red wine).

Cash buyers purchase vacant property- no chain- in just three-and-a-half months! What could we possibly praise here?

Sadly, Britain in the 'economic recovery' appears more to want to celebrate these sharp practises or this questionable accountability, rather than to rectify such malpractice and ineptness. The consequent and numerous casualties will undoubtedly not be featuring in the self-congratulatory rhetoric of Messrs Osborne or Cameron. I have seen very little to suggest that the competitors might be any less self-interestedly driven. More deregulation needed, Mr Cameron? What do we think?

I can however strongly advise the avoidance of a particular developer, by the name of Sid; a "business man" he of Sid and Linda repute. 

"Don't hope you'll ever see the skies again!"