And then there were none.

"So where have all of those police officers gone?" you might well ask. To be fair, it’s a question that really does need to be more fully addressed. New Labour- whoops, I can already sense facets of my aspiration towards open debate spinning beyond my reach- have done little else other than seek to ‘reassure’ us that the numbers of police officers ‘serving’ ‘our’ country have steadily risen to record highs.



Not working for you. Thanks to adotjdotsmith's photostream

And let’s not forget, whilst alluding to the current chosen mode of political debate, spin that is, that New Labour are only following strict guidelines laid down clearly by their predecessors. Just in case I’ve lost a couple of you here, yes, we did have a change of government back in 1979- blink and you might have missed it- even though it might now seem to have been little more than a long-forgotten illusion of despairing hope. Naturally, hopelessly unachieved!

So why is it then that the streets, about which we are justified in having certain concerns, seem to be so devoid of these appointed officers? Just where exactly are those armour-plated, luminous-yellow and ‘highly-trained’ ‘upholders of the law’?



And again. Thanks to adotjdotsmith's photostream

To be fair, and in the interests of balance, we can’t really blame the police force for the fact that the British love-hate affair with drink has gone tits up, can we? It’s not really their fault that every Friday and Saturday night sees our city streets strewn with alcohol addled 'party-goers', looking to 'share' their lack of social grace with all and sundry, invariably at considerable volume and cost to the poor locals.

Nor, would we be justified in blaming the force for the tribal mentality of some of our football-following males, driven, as they are, to ‘support’ ‘their’ team of multimillionaire Pre-Madonnas through hail, flood and famine. Never mind that any or all of these so-called ‘sporting idols’ might quit the club, without a second’s thought, were a more affluent contract to suddenly materialise.

Any fool knows that these fans will need to be segregated- as lions from zebra- for the duration, for the preservation of surrounding homes and streets and for the preservation of human life. Civilization, with all its little quirks and anomalies, you’ve got to love it.

I accept the sad fact that, as the planet’s dominant species, we can’t even manage to relate to one another during a supposed event of ‘organised entertainment’. This I accept, all be it reluctantly. Yet, even these damning indictments of humankind do not entirely explain where the vast majority of 'our' police force has been secreted. What about Wednesday evenings for example, when the pubs and clubs are relatively quiet? What about Sunday afternoon, maybe, when the local football team has no fixtures? What about these times?



And again! Thanks to adotjdotsmith's photostream

Had we still been living in, say, Tudor times or Medieval times or almost any other period in British history we might expect those charged with enforcing the law to be otherwise engaged. Perhaps they might be ensuring that the then monarch’s day was going to be one of uninterrupted self-indulgence, or they might be ‘helpfully’ clearing away untidy peasants from an area of royal expansionism, or they might be engaged in any number of activities as befits a unit of privately hired enforcers.



Yet again, from adotjdotsmith's photostream

But nowadays things have moved on a pace- ‘democracy’ and all that malarkey. No longer are our police officers there for the private hire of any wealthy company that might wish to expand its interests, bulldoze a particularly beautiful woodland or, heaven forbid rake up a Site of Special Scientific Interest to provide yet another golf course. ‘Democracy’ just doesn’t work like that any more.

My sincere belief is that the good force has been overwhelmed by the amount of Faerie activity that has been afoot. They don’t want you to worry, but I suspect they are far from in control of the situation.